I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
