Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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