and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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