Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We have started to decorate penises.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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