I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
