There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
