Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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