cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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