Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
