Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
