Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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