I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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