Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
