the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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