Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Found your dick twin last night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
