just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
