Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
