i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
my liver is dry heaving
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
