I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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