What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
