I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
