Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I intend to get homeless drunk
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
