I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
