dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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