Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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