Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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