I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
