I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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