I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have post one night stand depression
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