woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Fuck me I smell like cheese
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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