i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
