i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
