i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
