Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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