You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
