Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
