I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
