real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
