I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
