Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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