God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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