my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
