I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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