Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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