i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
