I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
