i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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