i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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