im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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