Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
