we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I am naked and annoyed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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