we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
