There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
